I've got the power...

For the record, the last few months haven’t been me just wallowing in my first-world problems. I learned a few things that I will share with you:
1. Power of Attorney
2. Power of Attorney
3. Power of Attorney

It doesn’t matter that you’re married or that you are a blood relative – it’s all crap in the eyes of the law. If your spouse or your partner or your parent or the other party in whatever arrangement you’ve got becomes unable to handle their business, you need power of attorney for that person. If you become sick and can’t handle your business anymore, you need to pick someone to make decisions for you and pay your bills so your car doesn’t get repossessed while you’re in the hospital.

What is power of attorney?
It’s a piece of paper (you should notarize it if you’re too cheap for LegalZoom.com) that allows you to appoint someone to handle your business if you can’t. By business, I mean: handling bank transactions and filing your tax returns, handling real estate, entering into contracts, exercising stock rights, settling claims. You may say to yourself, “Self, I cash my paychecks at the bodega. I don’t own anything except this Sizzli, which I’m going to eat while I read this. When I do file taxes, I file 1040-EZ. I don’t need this fancy power of attorney piece of paper any more than I need a passport!”

Point taken, Gentle Reader; but what happens if your SEPTA bus gets shot up, you take a bullet in the base of the skull, and you wind up in my ventilator unit at the Bower of Bliss nursing home? You know you told your niece a million times that you don’t want to be hooked up to a machine, but here you are and here I am, turning you every two hours so you don’t get bed sores.

It doesn’t matter what you told your niece. If you didn’t write it down anywhere and get someone with a seal to notarize it, Bower of Bliss is going to get $80.00/day from the State until your heart gives out. You need a Health Care Power of Attorney. It’s what allows your niece to tell the nice people at Hahnemann Hospital or Bower of Bliss Nursing Home that you don’t want to be hooked up to a machine to live, when you can’t do it for yourself. Get it?

How do I get one of these Powers of Attorney?
I’m not a lawyer and this is not legal advice but you can go to a lawyer, Google for Power of Attorney and get referrals, go to a web site like Legal Zoom, or go to the library and ask the reference librarian for Nolo books that will help you create a Power of Attorney. At the very least, write something up yourself, take it to the bodega and ask them to notarize it. It will be harder to challenge your wishes if the document is notarized. And don’t forget to tell your niece what you’re doing. No one likes to be surprised about these things.

But it’s depressing to think about getting shot and being on a ventilator…
I agree with you entirely.

But doesn’t Power of Attorney mean that my bastard children can take my stuff and put me in a nursing home?
The Power of Attorney only takes effect can’t make your own decisions. It’s up to you: let your bastard kids carry out your wishes or leave it up to some nursing home employee. When you don’t make a decision, you’re still making a choice.

But we’ve been married for 50 years…
Let me be the first to assure you that it doesn’t matter.

But I told my son what I wanted.
It’s nothing personal but…no one will believe him.

Nobody should be released from junior high school without understanding this. Pick a person, write up what you want them to be responsible for and get it notarized. I learned this the hard way…let my example serve as a warning. Class dismissed.